The Only Series
by Aslana
Summary: AU. A changing POV piece that allows a look into some of our favorite characters. This is a slash fic. m/m pairing. spike/xander
1. The Only Truth

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, nor do I make money off of them. Suing me will just mean more money going to lawyers for no payout in the end.

Author's Notes: AU. Pre-Season 6. Assumes that Spike was never William, the Bloody Awful Poet.

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**_The Only Truth_**

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The spell wasn't supposed to work that way. It really wasn't. I mean, can you image Red and her blonde bint actually doing this on purpose? I don't bloody think so. But here we are, and I always did think that he would make a great vampire. All that spirit and such. I just figured I would be right there with him. Me and a brunet that wasn't nuts or broody or too much of an asshole or someone that wants to rape me for hours on end. But we'll be damned if those two witches didn't screw my plans up. 

All I can think is 'what the bloody hell were they thinkin'? They've upset something, I'm sure. I'm also sure they'll call that bloody sire of mine. The watcher and the witches are searching for a reverse spell. I get to watch out for Xan. When he wakes up, he'll be hungry for sure. Pigs' blood will have to do. Not a great way to start out, but it will do in a pinch, considering the humans don't even want him to feed at all. The humans, huh! I'm one of them now. I finally get to see the whelp as a vampire, and I can't even enjoy it because I'm not with him. I'm not his full sire. I'm not his lover for a hundred years from now.

Bloody bint and her bloody blonde. Just had to see if she could force the demon out of my body. Just had to see if the spell she couldn't translate completely would work how she wanted it to. Pacing is not calming my nerves. Didn't when I was human the first time, didn't when I was a vampire, doesn't now.

I am not powerful at all now. I am weak. I can still take more than those kids ever will able to, but I don't have my senses, my strength. I still want to go out and hurt something, but that's as normal for my human self as it was for my demon self. I don't crave blood, but I would enjoy the taste. I want his blood. I want to sip it form him and savor it on my tongue. I want to know how having a demon forced into his body changed it. He won't allow that, of course. He'll be too busy trying to take my life. I will be only a human body in his mind. He won't remember that I was his bedmate for a month before this night. He won't remember all the things he whispered into my ears for a few days after he wakes up.

Now he is startin' to stir. He's gonna be too hungry to be good for humans. I heat up a mug of blood for him. I guess I shouldn't call him whelp anymore. Sod that, I can still be the Big Bad that way. If I'm gonna face death by the boy, I will do as I damn well please. Bloody hell, there's a knockin' at the door. Xander has several moments before he will be roused properly, and the others are at the books, I might as well open the door.

Oh, God. I didn't think he would actually come. "Spike," he says to me when the door is open completely. He just stands there like an idiot before I realize that I block his path indoors.

I move out of the way, watching him walk in and fill the space I vacated. Suddenly, he's not moving anymore. He sniffs delicately at the air like he is searching for the mysteries of the universe. Broodboy puts his hand out, palm facing me, and gently waves it at my body, close to me, but not quite touching. "Spike, why do you have a human scent... and smell like Xander... and have body heat?!" The look of shock on his face is something I would thoroughly enjoy if things weren't so bad.

The people in the room are beginning to notice him. he pays them no mind, preferring instead, to stare at what was once my pet lying on the floor in manacles. "What the Hell is going on?" he shouts. Xander moans, eyes fluttering. I go back into the kitchen for the blood I left there. Walking back, I tell Angel all he needs to know for the moment, "Pick him up with his back to you. Hold him down, he isn't going to be pleasant."

Stunned, I suppose, my sire listens. I can hear the watcher walk away. He doesn't want to see this, and I can understand that. The redhead begins to cry softly when Xander is conscious enough to fight against Angel's arms. "Blondie, if you don't want me to find a way to snap your neck, you might want to get her out of this room," I tell the Tara chick. I have a pang of remorse, but I don't let it show as I capture Xander's chin in one hand. I murmur at him the way I would at Dru. Lovingly, patiently, and just this side of authoritatively. I need to get him to drink this. He tries to yank his face away from my fingers. "Luv, you have to listen. This'll fix you up right nicely."

Angel's confusion is set on his face. I want to take it in and wonder at it, but I don't have time. The whelp's eyes pop open. He snarls, struggling even more. I don't have enough patience for this. Putting the mug of blood down and letting go of his face, I slap him. His eyes are no longer angry, but startled. "Li?" he whispers, as if he isn't sure. He isn't of course, his starved and disoriented and unsure, but he won't get better if he doesn't feed.

"Yeah, Luv. It's me, it's Willi." I whisper back, "Now, I just need you to drink some of this, it'll make you feel better. It's like your medicine." I pick the mug back up and tilt it at his lips. Lapping at it a little, he tastes its tangy, coppery flavor. When he sees its what he wants, Xander slurps it up. He finishes it off quickly and licks his lips, trying to get every last drop.

"More, more." he says, voice strong and steady. That voice, God, that voice. Low and husky, like the first time we had sex and the next time, when we made love, and the next time and the next and all the times after that. I shudder at the memories.

'Calm down,' I tell myself. "Pet, do you know what happened?" I have to know. Know if he understands, feels it in him.

"I'm hungry" is all I get from him. Angel, still bewildered, gives me the look that says he'll get the food if I can handle the boy. "Go." I tell the man. I take my boy's face between my hands. "Whelp, do you know what happened?"

"What part?" he answers straight forward, no coy games for now.

"Any of it." I wish I could have my preternatural senses back. I feel too helpless like this. I don't try to fool myself into believing that I'm my old self, I can't be that with a soul.

"I remember us in bed, me trying to catch my breath, you nearly crushing my ribs. It felt so good though." And he smiles at me, not one of those insecure, pain-riddled things he gives to his so called friends, but a genuine smile, the kind he only gives to me. The kind that always graced his face after our nights together. At least he remembers the good. He doesn't remember the shocking pain that passed through both of us. He doesn't remember me holding him and crying as I heard his heartbeat slow until I heard mine begin again, until I realized what was happening.

"Luv, guess what? Red was at it again." I try to sound decent, but I fail miserably.

"Wha.. What happened?" He asks it so hesitantly, I think he is starting to get it. "Spike," he starts again before I can, "Spike, what is that drum? and why are you so warm?" Oh, my. I never wanted to see this look on his face again. The look of terror he got last time he was attacked by a demon and lost, nearly being killed.

And I don't know what to say to him. Angel stands in the doorway of the kitchen, holding the mug meant for my pet. And I don't know how to explain the horrible deed that has been done to us. I pull him to me, our torsos touching, me nearly crushing him without my vampiric strength and tell him the only thought I can make, the only truth I know, "Xander, I love you."


	2. The Only Gesture

Disclaimer: Not mine, not being paid.

Author's Notes: AU. Pre-Season 6.

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_**The Only Gesture**_

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"A month today," Spike muttered under his breath, "A bloody month." He has been saying that all day long. And pacing. He has been pacing like he were Angel or something. If he doesn't stop, I'm going to knock him down, and maybe kick him a little, but mainly just push. No, no I won't. That's not me thinking these things. It's the demon.

It's been a month since Willow cast the spell that was supposed to make everyones lives easier, even Spike's. Simply put, the idea was that the demon in Spike would be forced out of his body, leaving him a living human. Simply put, the spell screwed up. Oh, it forced the demon out of him, but it also forced it into me. Now, he's human and I'm a vampire. Geez, and our relationship wasn't hard enough?

It's been three weeks since I asked a question that no one could answer. "If Angel gave Wil the demon, and the demon was forced out of him and into me, who's my sire?" My Willi stormed out, leaving everyone stunned and mulling over my question. Eventually, he came back. "No sire," he whispered, "You've not been sired. You were evolved." Speaking louder, he added, "Red, you and your bint might start looking for prophesies containing this sort of thing while you look for a cure."

Two weeks since Spike and I were allowed to go patroling again. I had been forced to stay in Giles' house for the two weeks previous. Wil had stayed with me. We would lay in bed together, just holding each other and pretending things weren't different. But it was hard to ignore his warmth behind me as we spooned, his heart beating against my back. Somehow, I managed.

A week ago, the secret slipped. Not only was I a freak of vampire nature by the way I became a vampire, but I didn't act like vampires were supposed to act. I had control over my hunger from the very beginning. Wil was especially shocked by the fact that I didn't try to bite him during the night. My personality had barely changed other than the fact that I was a bit more aggressive and spoke my mind more easily. I had felt like a freak when I was human, and I feel like a freak as a vampire.

Now, Wil was freaking because it is four weeks today that we have been... in each others places, I suppose. His voice carries to me more than he probably aware of. His pleasure of being without the chip is twisted and torn to bits by his wish of normalcy. He wants things back to normal. I can't say that I blame him, but I want us to both be one or the other instead of playing this back and forth game. That's part of the reason we are back at my apartment, our apartment. I want my love to be comfortable.

"Touch me," I say. I don't know where things like that come from, but they started appearing frequently since the 'exchange' as I like to refer to it in my mind.

"What?" I obviously startled him. His face holds a expression I find endearing. A cross between lust, confusion, and the slightest bit of fear. Imagine that, I install fear into people now.

"Take all that energy that is going to waste and put it into something that we can enjoy." There it goes again. My mouth is quickly becoming my most hated feature.

The fear is gone, as is the confusion, leaving only lust. He begins to cross the room, a feral gleam in his eyes, to where I am lounging in an arm chair.

"Damn it," he swears when the phone rings. Wil turns on his heels and stalks to the phone. "What do you want, I was about to get off!" he barks into the mouthpiece when he picks it up, not giving time for the other person to talk. The anger in his stance dissipates, his shoulders slump in sadness. I know what I would see if he were facing me.

"'Kay. be there after sundown." Setting the phone down onto its cradle slowly, his scent is making its way to me. A mixture of relief and fear. The smell of fear is heady , and I know too much will make me lightheaded.

"Sundown is in thirty. What's going on?" I ask as I get up from my chair. I guess that sex is out.

"Watcher and Red think they may have found something."

"That explains the aroma of relief and fear, but what about the sadness?" I need to know what he is thinking. I know when he lies to me now.

His eyes darken slightly from their usual icey blue to an electric color. "I dunno." he slouches. Turning away from me, he slowly walks to a window and opens the curtains, allowing sunlight to fall on him, but nowhere near me. "I think...," he starts insecurely, "I think maybe this is why." His eyes close, he smiles slightly.

And I don't know what to say to him. He stands there, in front of the window, highlighted by light that he hadn't been allowed to touch a month ago. I want to pull him to me, make our torsos touch, nearly crush him with my vampiric strength and tell him that I can see what is going on, make the only gesture of understanding he will recognize, "Li, I love you."


	3. The Only Platitude

Disclaimer: Not mine, can't blame me because they are too awesome not to play with.

Author's Notes: AU. Pre-Season 6.

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_**The Only Platitude**_

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I'm still blurry on the details of what happened. One day, I go out of town to get a day by myself, and the next, one of my best friends is my enemy by nature. I remember walking into Giles' place and sensing a vamp, but I thought it was just Spike. A few seconds later, I see Spike curled up on a vamped out Xander's chest, sleeping. I froze, two questions running through my mind. 'What the hell happened to Xander?' and 'Why is Spike sleeping on Xander?' 

I pulled a stake out, going into a offensive stance when Angel walks into the living room from the kitchen. He heard my heart beating wildly, he told me later. He ran to me and took the stake away. "You might want to ask questions first," he said in his 'all knowing, all seeing' tone.

Then, I freaked. I yelled and screamed and wailed for an hour. When I finally quit, too tired to continue, I saw Xander crying. I let my own tears fall.

It's been a month, but it's all so fresh in everyone's mind. Why did our Xander have to go through this? His first serious encounter with a vampire was when he staked his best friend, and now, he is what his best friend was. Sadness creeps into his eyes when he thinks that everyone is too busy to notice.

I think that is why I convinced Giles to let Spike and Xan go patrolling with me. They were shutting themselves away from us. I know that most people think I don't see things, but I'm not completely oblivious to other people's pain. Xander needed something to spend his anger and sadness on and he wasn't going to leave Spike behind. Spike needed it, too. This wasn't any easier for him.

That is something else that is slightly confusing me. I don't understand how they came to be together like they are now. Spike is so gentle and caring with Xan. I wouldn't have thought he would have it in him to care for someone other than Dru. But, here he is, loving Xander.

The one time that Xander and I have been alone and talked, I asked him how Spike treated him before everything happened. All Xander said was that 'Wil won't ever change'. I hope that means Spike was good to him before the spell.

Willow is obsessed with finding something to reverse the spell she cast that caused this whole ordeal. Giles has given her every spell or charm book in his possession. He wants to find the solution as quickly as she does. Tara sits in the background until her services are required. I can tell she isn't too happy with how Willow went about this spell, but she doesn't seem to be truly upset.

Angel commutes between LA and here as often as possible. For some reason, I think he may blame himself for this whole thing. It wouldn't surprise me, he is always trying to take on more than necessary.

Everything right now is shocking and confusing or surprising and weird. I don't know how Spike and Xander adjusted so well to this whole thing. They act like it never even happened sometimes.

Now, Willow and Giles think they have found something that might help, but I'm worried. What if the same thing that happened a month ago, happens with this spell? What if it isn't translated correctly? What kind of consequences are there? I don't have an answer for anything.

The two that will be the most affected by anything that may occur just walked through Giles' front door, hand in hand. They go everywhere like that some days. Like they don't know that they are two separate people.

Without saying anything to anyone, they walk over to Spike's favorite chair. Xander sits in the seat and 'his Willi' sits on his lap. They are quite a pair sometimes. The light against dark. The contrast was deeper not too long ago, but not by as much as you would think.  
Xander whispers a greeting, Spike nods his head. Giles nervously walks back and forth, to and from the kitchen. Books are scattered about, and Willow is in the middle of them on the floor, leaning against the couch. Tara sits on the couch with a leg on either side of her lover. I sit to myself in the other chair. No one has said anything. No one knows what to say.

Six pairs of eyes wonder around the room. Mine land on the couple in the chair. They are a cute couple. They love each other.  
The couple on the couch shuffle slightly. Willow leans back even more than before. It's like she thinks she can disappear into the couch, or into Tara.

The tension in the room is suffocating. I want this to be over with. Not just this meeting, but the whole situation. I miss the easy going times. I want everything back to normal.

My eyes have been glancing around again, but, again, I come back to my friend and his lover. I watch Spike. He has his side to Xander's chest and his feet over the arm of the chair. His head is on Xan's shoulder, his eyes closed.

He opens them. They are that shocking ice blue. Cold is no longer a word to describe them, they have a new look to them. I love the color, so pale and unusual.

And then I see it. He gives up gazing at a wall for looking into my eyes. And I see the regret and tears that he hasn't let shed yet. I see fear and anger that has been repressed from the beginning. I see this all and understand. I just want to pull him to me, nearly crush him with what he sees in my eyes and murmer the useless phrase that is meant to make you feel better, the only platitude that I can remember now that I mouth to him, "I am sorry, Spike."


	4. The Only Reply

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, I don't pretend to.

Author's Notes: AU. Pre-Season 6.

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**_The Only Reply_**

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Even as I aid Willow and Tara's search for answers, my heart refuses to believe that any of this is true. Logically, I know that it is, it's just so hard to understand. Why did this happen to him? Xander is like my son. I love him in the same way that I love all of these children. As such, I am supposed to protect him, them, from dangers. How the Hell was I supposed to know the danger would come from his best friend? 

Willow knew better. I should have known better than to let her read that book. I did, I simply wasn't thinking. This is all my fault. It is my fault that one of the most important persons in my life could be an inadvertent danger to the other loved ones in my life, in his life.

In some strange way, Spike has also wormed his way into our lives. I no longer worry that he will cause us harm, but that he will become harmed himself. Most horribly, I worry that in a fit of anger or passion, Xander will harm Spike. Not only would that scare all of us, but Xander may never forgive himself.

I can feel the fresh pain of the first night. I couldn't stand to watch Xander drink from that damnable mug, drink the blood that would sustain his body and mind. I walked away, up the stairs to my room, over to my bed. I wept for an hour. No one noticed, or no one brought it up.

Angel came up later, three hours after I had fallen onto my bed, to tell me what was going on. He informed me that Tara had been forced to take Willow home. He gave me the only information that did not make me want to kill myself, Xander was still Xander.

Of course, this message came with the warning that we should monitor the boy's behavior, but I paid little heed to that at the time. Xander hadn't changed. We still had him. Only after he was able to snap me out of my concentration on that thought was he able to ask the question of, "What happened, Giles?"

Angel left the next night, after spending the day with Spike and Xander. He had to explain everything to Xander. Spike couldn't hold himself together when he tried to discuss it. Angel has been back three times since.

I walk into my living room to see them all. Xander in Spike's favorite chair with the blond in his lap, looking at Buffy. Tara on the couch with Willow sitting in front of her on the floor. I can see her hands working Willow's shoulders, trying to relax them. Buffy is sitting in the other chair. She has her eyes focused on something. She has them on Spike. For a second I think I see her lips moving, but it must have just been my eyes playing tricks.

"Everyone knows why we're here, let's get on with it," I say. All of their eyes come rest on me, like I'm out of my mind. Some times I wonder if I'm not mad.

Buffy gives me a worried look. "What's going on?" She asks the question with such an air of innocence, I am forced to remember that she is not really an adult. She is not even twenty.

"I believe Tara may have found the solution to this situation." I make the statement, hoping that Tara will uncharacteristically take the initiative and tell everyone what she thinks. I send her a brief smile of encouragement.

"I- I- I think," she stutters out, "that we mi-might be able to write a spell." She hugs herself. Saying that must have taken much out of her. Willow is now rubbing her legs comfortingly.

Xander's eyes narrow onto Tara. "Spell? Isn't that how we got into this in the first place?" He has a right not to trust the idea. I don't pretend to even imagine how this situation might feel.

"Yeah, but this is a spell that we will be writing ourselves. It wouldn't be from a book and I'll understand this one completely. There's no way to mess this up." Willow says with nervous excitement. She knows the reason for this predicament is the spell she cast, that she didn't know how to translate completely. She was able to read and speak it, just not understand that 'unateem omreanme' meant 'from one to another of the correct proximity'.

The tension in Spike's body is probably something is not perceptible to most. I can see it by relying on my darker, more predatory side. Xander is the other person in the room that would know about it because it is impossible for someone with a person that rigid sitting in his lap to be comfortable.

Spike raises his head from Xander's shoulder and glances at the couple at the couch. Then he looks at me, his face expressionless. "What do you think. Is it possible?"

I take my glasses off. While cleaning them with my shirt, I direct my gaze to Buffy. She is trembling slightly. The strain of all this getting to her. I wish she hadn't just walked into all this, literally.

She had come back from a semi-vacation to the beach. A day to herself. On a split second decision, she stopped by my home before going to her own. She found Xander and Spike on the floor together, Xander with a 'gameface'. Angel had to restrain her for close to an hour. Not only had her shock frightened her, but she had frightened Xander so badly that his tears hadn't stopped flowing for quite a while afterward. I look around the room once more.

And Buffy enters my sight again. I don't try to fight it. She has been like a daughter to me, as much as Xander has been a son. She is still quivering. I just want to take her into my arms and comfort her, crush her close to me and promise nothing bad will ever happen again. I send the only reply to Xander's question that I can say without lying to everyone, but mainly my little girl, "I don't know."


	5. The Only Answer

_**Disclaimer**_: I do not own this characters, nor the fandom. I haven't any money, so if you sue me, be prepared to receive tens of thousands of dollars of college debt.

_**Author's Notes**_: AU. pre-Season 6.

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**_The Only Answer_**

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Giles has no faith in the idea of writing a spell to fix everything. Oh, Goddess. What have I done? I swear the spell shouldn't have worked this way. I didn't plan this. Why would I have wanted my best friend to become a vampire? No one would want that!

Tara has faith in me. She was the one to suggest writing a spell instead of waiting until we had found one that may or may not work. She knows I didn't mean for this to happen.

Even though she tells me that, and I believe it, I know she is still upset with me. She thinks that I shouldn't have done it, but doesn't think she has a place to say it. Probably because she has cast a spell that caused accidental damage, too.

Unateem omreanme. I should have paid more attention to that phrase. This whole thing wouldn't have happened had I translated that correctly. Instead, I rushed into casting what I thought was going to be a beneficial spell.

I lean back against the couch. Tara puts her hands back on my shoulders. They feel nice there. I think that if I concentrated hard enough, I might go invisible and not have to face all these people. Turning invisible has been known to happen. Not a unique occurrence on the Hellmouth.

My mouth is dry. It gets like that when I am this nervous. I need something to drink, but if I move they will pay more attention to me, let alone ask someone to get me a glass of water. Used to be that Xander could just look at me and tell I needed something to wet my mouth. He would just get up and fix a drink. Not that way anymore.

We have drifted so far apart. If we hadn't, I would've known about Spike being his lover. They managed to keep that secret until that night. I can't really say I'm surprised though. Xander was completely 'the lady doth protest too much' when Larry thought he was gay. I always thought that Spike was very good looking.

And, they did the whole 'sparring because we are kinda sorta friends, but not really. well, yeah, we are, but only in private' thing. They still exchange raillery with each other, but its not tinged with genuine dislike. It's nothing more than banter and joking, rather than actual ridicule.

No one seems to be moving. No, that's not true. Giles is swaying on his feet like he's a little dizzy. Buffy is shivering like the room is 50 degrees. Xander has a hand on Spike's back, rubbing it slightly, trying to offer comfort. Spike and I are not moving. I even know that Tara is moving behind me. Her thumbs are caressing my neck and it feels good.

I can here her start to talk, her stutter showing her nervousness. I can't make out everything, but I think she is explaining about the writing of a spell. Xander isn't trusting the idea. Giles doesn't know if it will work, either. I have to believe it will work. But even I have my doubts.

Spell wording can be a tricky thing. If not done properly, it could have dire consequences. It could destroy the lives of everyone involved. I don't want to do any more damage. I shouldn't have caused any in the first place.

I look over to Spike and Xander again. Xander is looking around the room. Spike is just staring in Buffy's direction. I don't know if he even knows what he is looking at. He seems out of it.

Do we even know what we are tampering with? I admit to being timorous as Tara and I began making rough drafts of the spell we will preform. We began drawing ideas together for the spell the night that Tara thought of it.

"We can do this," I hear myself say above Tara's talking. Everyone, just as I feared, looks to me like I'm crazy. Maybe I am, but now they aren't just doubting me, they are doubting my girlfriend.

"I mean, if we write it correctly, then it will work. We may even be able to write it so that both Xander and Spike are human." Buffy definitly thinks I'm crazy. Giles is concerned, I see it in his eyes. Spike's eyes are still on Buffy. Xan is looking at me, but he is also glancing past me to Tara. I can almost feel her smiling on me.

Xander's gaze finally rests on me. "If you are involved in writing it, I want Giles there. Once you finish it, there will be no changes. Especially not at the last moment." His other arm is now around Spike's legs.

Oh, Deity and Goddess. He doesn't trust me. I can't blame him. "Understood." I say this and I promise it. "Tara can watch over me if I start writing it when Giles isn't around. That way, I'm not by myself."

Xander nods at me. Then he pauses for a second, like he's changing his mind. "And you aren't allowed to cast any spells at all, especially not this one. The last thing we need is for something else to go wrong."

I gulp almost audibly. "Yeah," I agree. "no casting until its time." I'm beginning to wonder if twisting my hair in my fingers is truly a childish habit like I thought when I quit years ago.

Tara readjusts herself on the couch. Now she is sitting on one of her legs. "Um. What so you want the spell to entail? I mean, we have a few different options."

And everyone seems to think that over. Spike and Xander are finally looking into each other's eyes, giving the signs of a silent conversation. Xander seems anxious, and it just makes me want to be able to walk up to him and give him a hug, nearly crush him to me like old times and tell him that I know the solution the haven't spoken, I know the only answer, "They want to be human."


	6. The Only Chant

Disclaimer: Not even pretending to own them.

Author's Notes: AU. Pre-Season 6.

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**_The Only Chant_**

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That was new. Willow interrupted me talking. She tries not to do that, as a general rule. You know, to make sure I actually talk once in a while.

She knows how nervous I am, and how I still am not able to talk to more than three people about something important for more than two seconds without stuttering. I hate doing it, but I can't seem to stop. Even my lack of contact with my so-called family hasn't ended it.

I love her. She screwed up, but I love her. I understand that she didn't mean to hurt anyone, and that she was just trying to help her friends out, and maybe even help Spike, but she shouldn't have messed with it.

I can't tell her that, though. I can't bring myself to. I have cast a spell that nearly got people hurt. I have been there.

It's just that, she disrupted a major balance with the 'unateem omreanme' spell. I don't even think that she realizes that everything may not be okay if, when we get this all sorted out. She has forgotten a major law of Wicca.

It is our version of karma: everything returns to you times three. You cast a spell that helps someone, the good comes back to you threefold. It is the same with harmful spells. I don't know what kind this is yet. Maybe the Powers around us will see her good, and understand what happened, how it was an accident.

Things are never simple here, ever. I didn't even know that I was coming to the Hellmouth when I got here. Things changed so quickly, its frightening how everything just turned every which way.

I know everyone wants their lives back to 'normal', but I don't even know what normal is. Everything about this world, a world so different from the one I come from, scares me. I'm just barely adjusted to being independent, let alone trying to help write a spell for turning a vampire back into a human and leaving what was originally a vampire as a human.

I don't know how to express that. I try to form the right words in my head, but I'm saved by a knock on the door. Giles answers it by cracking the door open just enough to see who it is. He steps back and lets the door open wide to reveal Angel. He still makes me nervous, I have heard too many stories from everyone in this group to not be.

Suddenly, without provocation, my mouth opens, "He has the spell!" Everyone, including Angel, turn to look at me. They all think I'm crazy, except for my Willow and Angel. It's written in their eyes.

Spike gets out of Xander's lap and stands stock still for a second before holding his hand out behind him for Xander. Xander takes it without question and stands with his lover. They really are a striking pair.

Spike, almost ceremoniously, strides to sire, or former sire, now. Xander, almost as carefully, stays close behind. They both have blank expressions on their face.

It's like a dance, somehow. It is beautiful in a strange and completely ordered way. I don't understand it, but I know that it's a ritual of sorts.

"It's already started," Willow states as I begin to feel my energy slowly flow out of my being. It isn't coming from my body really, more like my spirit or soul. I glance around the room. I see Giles grasp at a kitchen counter behind him for support. Buffy is slouching further into her chair than she was the last time I looked at her. Even Willow is leaning into the couch more than necessary, her head nearly lolling back into my lap.

"Une moreenk otre by-ink lomensar. Eevr Jrappe moa rahm. The chant is begun by the blood-changed. Only for the reversed lovers does it flow." I don't know the language that I spoke before; it isn't from the spell that Willow cast. But I know that what I spoke in English is the translation, as well as it can be translated at least.

Willow snaps her hand back to grasp mine. "Ooefme Eaonoa boneeak crimay aop. Omniscient Powers forgive those causing unintentional harm when it is corrected by effort." Willow's words, starting with those of the language different than the one I spoke, echo in my ears. I hope it means that she is forgiven.

"Offa doema charm laerkum raffa! Reverse of change given with desire!" "Yoomsha layecha shimeo rem! Original allowed, beloveds returned!" Giles, then Buffy, shout out their words. We all know now that this is not in our control. It isn't even in Angel's control, and he started it.

I can't move now. I don't think anyone else can. All our energy, kinetic and potential, is being taken out of us. A great Power is in charge.

I was wrong, some of us can still move. Xander nearly floats to take his side by Spike. Angel raises his hands in what we would've thought as a defensive gesture minutes before, now we see it as a movement of purpose. I see Angel mouth words quickly, but I don't here them. I can't see if it is the same with Xander and Spike, but I think it is.

And I'm scared suddenly, I feel like the last of my life is being sucked from me. I hear my heart in my ears, and it is slowing. I want to grab Willow so she can save me, and crush her with all my strength and make sure we are never separated, but I can't. All I can do is what is allowed to finish the spell, speak the only chant that will close off this energy vacuum we are in. "Oveem con larae. Let them be!"


	7. The Only Ending

Disclaimer: I don't own them, but I don't think I'll ever be finished playing with them. But really, I'm making no money, so don't worry about it.

Author's Notes: AU. Pre-Season 6.

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**_The Only Ending_**

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"Une moreenk otre by-ink lomensar. Eevr Jrappe moa rahm. The chant is begun by the blood-changed. Only for the reversed lovers does it flow." Tara.

"Ooefme Eaonoa boneeak crimay aop. Omniscient Powers forgive those causing unintentional harm when it is corrected by effort." Willow.

"Offa doema charm laerkum raffa! Reverse of change given with desire!" Giles.

"Yoomsha layecha shimeo rem! Original allowed, beloveds returned!" Buffy

I heard them all. I heard the shout of magical words in four different languages, none of which I recognized. I, myself, was chanting words that I didn't recognize, couldn't even hear. My childe and his lover in front of me, chanting as well.

A glow is coming from all the humans in the room except Spike. The glimmer leaves their bodies and joins in what looks to be a sphere behind the boys. Suddenly, everything is silent for a split second. The silence is shattered by the final shout.

"Oveem con larae. Let them be!" Tara again.

Make that five languages that I don't recognize. The glow ends, and the strips of glimmer that attached the floating ball to the people are sucked into it. The sphere falls unto itself, then explodes in the brightest light I have ever experienced, it rivaled the sun! The last thing I remember is covering my eyes and falling back. I guess I blacked out.

I'm content when I wake up. I can feel the sun streaming unto my face and it's wonderfully warm. Two bodies lay on mine, both fitting comfortably into the crook of my shoulders on both sides of my body. Perfect fit completely.

The light burns at my eyelids, but I don't want to wake up. Then I remember, the sun will kill me. I jump up, carrying the two bodies with me. I drop them as soon as I can't feel the sun anymore. I scream and cover my face, still warm from the rays that had touched it seconds before.

Soon, several hands are on my back and pulling at my arms. Several voices are talking and shouting and whispering and I don't know what to do and I'm frightened and worried. Suddenly, all but one of the hands disappear. I'm thankful that they have left me, but I also miss them.

Then a voice is at my ear, quiet and reassuring. "It's okay, calm down. Everything is okay." The one hand is rubbing my back, soothing me. I haven't been this frightened since my last day of living, but the voice and the hand are making the situation tolerable. I love them for that.

Another realization hits me, where are the sounds? I can't hear any breathing except for the person that is comforting me. No other heartbeats, either. But that's not completely true. I can hear one. My own.

I'm breathing and have a pulse and coursing blood that is rushing through my ears at this very moment. I new surge of fear makes its way through my body. I lower my hands from my face, my eyes still closed.

I lift my hung head. I'm on my knees, leaning forward, so I lean back. My butt now on my heels. I sit arrow straight.

When I finally open my eyes, I see Tara and Willow in the corner I face, crying on each other's shoulders as they embrace. Willow is leaning against a wall slightly.

I begin to recognize things, like the sound of sobs and the voice that has been comforting me. I want to pinch myself at the thought of Buffy doing that for me again, because it's so much like a dream.

I hear shuffling to and fro, and decide that Giles acquires nervous energy too easily. The murmurs in my vicinity telling me that everyone is still alive.

"We're all here?" I whisper it as quietly as I can, so as to not spoil it if it is a dream.

"Yeah, we all made it. Just another one of those near deaths that let us say 'hey, we have more lives than fifty cats with multiple personality disorder." That proves Xander is alive, and he wouldn't be talking if Spike, his Wil, weren't here as well.

"Angel," Buffy begins, "why are you warm?" I turn my eyes to hers. Shock and relief are mixed and intertwined in them. I suppose the same is true for me.

I see something in them, though, that I haven't seen for years. My own reflection. I jump back, startled. Scramble away unexpectedly. She must think I'm crazy with all my jumping and jerking.

Spike appears in my line of vision, then forces his face into mine. "What's your problem, peaches?" His eyes widen for a second then he smiles. "Well what do we have here?" His cocky grin makes me want to slap him because I have no patience and no confidence to hold out with.

And I leap forward, into him and make him fall onto the ground. I hear Xander say something and Giles say something back. And I don't know how to explain this irrational need to hold someone I've known for so long, that's known me. I turn over and pull him to me, our torsos touching, me nearly crushing me without my vampiric strength and tell him the only thought I can make, the only ending to the story. "Spike, we're human!"


End file.
